Every year
it ambushed me again.

With August came the
back to school ads,
promises of all things new:
new clothes,
new shoes,
new notebooks,
new classes and teachers,
everything fresh and
happy and exciting.

I am seduced by hope
that this time
it will all be different.

But there’s no new family,
no new friends,
no new classmates.

I find myself caught
in the same old ruts
of outcast scapegoat,
loner loser,
bully victim,

just wearing new shoes,
the latest clothes,
and carrying this year’s books -
until they are stepped on,
pissed on during PE,
and knocked out of my arms.

Again I sink
into a quicksand pit
of darkness and despair
and numb apathy.

Then Christmas ads come out,
promising life-changing gifts
that offer happiness
and new beginnings
and all the heart desires.

And once again I am seduced by hope...

9 / 19 / 13
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"