Dear MS Husband,
Happy 15th Wedding Anniversary. I remember the day we got married I couldn't have been happier. I had absolutely no doubt you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I even thought, "what's wrong with me??? shouldn't I be nervous?" I just wasn't. I walked down the aisle with a big fat smile on my face and felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. I didn't get married because I had always dreamed of a big wedding, (the big wedding was your idea), I was in my 20's so my biological clock was making me do it, and I was one of the first of all my friends to get married so it wasn't like I was afraid I was going to be left behind. I got married because I never felt more love or safety with anyone in my whole life. Ironic isn't it?
We have three beautiful children and I wouldn't change a thing because they are amazing and a piece of both of us. We laughed a lot and until the abuse and sex addiction took hold I think we had a chance. Even after it all blew up if you had surrendered and if the lies had stopped there we would have had a chance but they didn't and it wasn't one lie it was many. It wasn't one drink it was many.
Now this will be our last anniversary married and we don't live together now. it's been a long three years and I my heart is broken. I didn't leave because you cheated and I don't think you're damaged (even if you think you are). I refuse to think that. I am leaving because your words don't match your actions. I know you are actively working on your healing and I pray and hope someday you find peace. I can't allow you to continue to leave me with a feeling of hopelessness, and you do. When you lie, drink and aren't dependable I feel hopeless. It's a terrible feeling worse than the feeling of losing you and trust me the thought of losing you hurts. It's funny huh? How can it hurt to lose something I never had and I don't believe I ever really had you. I wonder what your ability to love is? Regardless I will love you even if you aren't my husband but I will not let you bully me emotionally anymore. I hope and pray that you continue to heal everyday.