I am sorry you are have difficulties-your situation is very difficult--a mother who violated you but at the same time gave you opportunities. It has to be hard to separate the two. Sadly your mother abused you-- be it physical abuse or excessive emotional attachment the child suffers. I have hopes one day you will figure out what is right for you--maybe separation from your mother will allow you to heal. I cannot imagine what it must be like to see her as your mother and abuser. My heart goes out for you. I hope you are receiving professional help to guide you on your journey. We are here for you and remember you must focus on you and not her.