I have been working through csa issues for almost two decades. However, in all that time I have had nothing to help deal with the sexual orientation confusion. I have always felt 'straight' but it doesn't change much. Outside of my abuse I have never been with a man, never fantasize about men and never had any sexual dreams about men. Yet I feel like a fraud as a straight man...like an imposter.
I worked hard over the past decade to work through a sexual addiction however now I realize I feel like I have nothing to offer a women who wants to have an intimate relationship. I can easily get aroused if the sex is non-intimate (I.e. addictive). I've always felt embarrassed to have a girlfriend as I feel like I would be laughed at...'you with a girlfriend'
I feel so gay...even though I am not attracted to men but moreso like I am a flawed man. I have this overwhelming feeling that I have nothing to offer a women. I had 3 long-term relationships and they all end due to sexual dysfunction. After a certain period it becomes very hard for me to have an erection within an intimate relationship.
I tried so many things but nothing seems to erase the doubt. I always have a doubt that 'maybe u r gay' and that doubt eats away at me...keeps me from relationships and I think is also what supports the dysfunction