...in the past.
I just learned about my sexual abuse this year (or should I say I just started addressing it for the first time, instead of burrying the secret).
But for several years my life went into a sexual tailspin, a downward spiral into a sexual hell of torment and self inflicted soul torture if you will. If I could prevent anyone from going down that path I would. But some part of me thinks that everything happens for a reason and I was meant to go down this path for better or for worse. And I almost didn't come back, i almost thought about moving to South America where I could continue my sexual exploits and hide from my family and everyone else I ever knew and to hide from the shame.
All this acting out came to an end about 6.5 years ago, when the shame became so much I just had to quit cold turkey. I thought I was a respectable human being, I thought I could be a role model, I thought I was straight. I proved to myself that's was nothing.
Still 6.5 years later I have a hard time accepting what I did. Even though believe it or not I as a straight man never had sexual intercourse with a man. What i did do (mutual masterbation with men, fondling many transexuals, sex with many random women) did cause a lot of shame and the numbers were great. I just discovered that sexual abuse can cause compulsion and sexual addiction and this has relieved some of my shame and given me hope, and I'm planning on seeing a T soon.
My question out there to the community is, how do people get better and get rid of this crippling shame and become accepting of all the unbearable acts that they committed that went against their whole value system?
Thanks in advance guys.