L84, have you asked your wife directly why she doesn't touch you anymore? It may be she's insecure and doesn't know how to react or what to do or what will hurt you. I know that in doubt I try to err on the side of caution with my husband in that regard. On the other hand, it is absolutely possible that your revelation triggered memories of abuse that happened to her. I don't know the statistics, but I do know that at least for my marriage your quote about abused people marrying abused people is true. It makes some things easier (because some stuff just doesn't need to explained), it makes other stuff incredibly more difficult (two people getting triggered at the same time is no fun at all).

Luke, as usual I agree with you. I think changing the associations with touch and sex within a trusting relationship by, well, just trying it out and seeing what happens is the only way to move forward with this form of emotional communication. Of course it's possible to work on PTSD symptoms and trauma in therapy and in daily life and increase the overall quality of life on one's own (and that's a good thing). But for communication you need a person to talk to.

CruxFidelis, I'm so sorry for you. It is hard. For both of you.