Wounded Owl,
Thank you for your insight. Although I cannot see the value in acting out things he is drawn to in porn since like you, the images stem from his abuse I greatly apreciate the window you've given me during a time when he is shutting me out.

At this point I plan to stick with him even though I feel like he is regularly testing me (almost daring me) to leave him. Extreme insecurity & fear I will??

Can you suggest a way that I can let him know that I won't leave him without causing him to retreat further? Right now whenever I'm loving& supportive he tells me there must be strings attached & I am a complete loss as to how to convince him otherwise. When he accuses me of "having an agenda" I honestly ell him my agenda is for him to be happy. I feel like he's projecting his abuser, especially the most recent one, onto me. When I tell him to stop he will at that time but then does it again the next day.

Any advice you can give me would be very much appreciated.