Also, this post by Sam V was really GREAT. It describes it very well.
You are not a fool dear supporter, please understand that. You fell in love with a partner who was terribly damaged, one who fell in love with you, but the fragments of his broken personality could not consistently commit to this healthy union. That inconsistency is discouraging, frustrating, destabilizing and destructive. That is a glimpse into a chaotic and tumultuous, fractured process.
Supporters are the unwitting victims of male sexual abuse, the collateral damage of the unsure life choices survivors make as we try to converse, interact and have relationships with those who are not abused or those who have healed from abuse. We struggle with who we are at the moment as we have strong personality conflicts inside us with the Protector, the Victim, the Fighter, the Lover, the Child. These find themselves thrust into our adult lives, not having the smooth transition maturity and healing recovery afford, one demands control of us and then another muscles it's way to the controls. The Protector finds a mate, the Child appears vulnerable, the Fighter shows boundaries and assertiveness, the Victim runs away. Until healthy recovery helps us to converge these violent, chaotic pieces of our personality, we are impulsive, terrified, bulletproof and destroyed.
The comfort and support we find in relationships is so refreshing, but we question the comfort as we try to navigate the nuances of living with and supporting another.
Dear supporter, my sincere appreciation for supporting a fellow survivor. I hope you find the trusting relationship you seek, you are so worth it.
My best to you,