I took the day off work and spent it with my wife and son. We went out for lunch, hung out, walked across a bridge from one state to another. Then we went and watched my son practice his sport.
In many ways it was like a typical weekend day. But my wife and I had amazing and deep conversation. Had a weird thing happen - I was triggered at one point late in the day. I did not even realize it. Wife and I discussed it, and she said she knew that I had "raised my quills". I had not even seen it, and not sure what set it off. She was so worried of hurting my feelings by bringing it up. I told her the truth - I did not even recognize it and love her for speaking up about it. We are communicating on a level that I thought was behind us. Instead, it's all in front of us. 14 years and I feel like I have found that spark again.
The last thing we talked about before she fell asleep was the WOR I had just registered for.
I will recover. I will be the Husband and Father my family deserves - out of my head, vulnerable, authentic, and present. Locked in a cell for 25 years, but I never knew that I had they key all along. I know that now - better yet, I understand that now!
Edited by mattheal (07/18/13 03:16 AM)
Edit Reason: Typing on a phone
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"