Hello out there,
Where does one start with an introduction, there's the stuff that I have trained my self to say when people ask about me. But a lot of it is a mask I had to put up to survive daily life.
My Earilyest childhood memory was. Being abused. And the shortly after that my abuser attacking me.. as a small child I waned to die..several times I attempted to kill my self because I could deal with being. Continiously sexually abused by several people unbeknowst to my parents.
From a very young age I knew I was attracted to men, and with the abuse happining it freaked me out cause I was being turned on.
It was still very wrong what happened. I had no where to turn so I turned to drugs and prostution... I figured if I was gonna do it any way I figured I might as well get paid.. I had self esteem. And so I kept. Spinning out of control untill one faithful evening I was at a friends house balling my eyes out saying I needed help but didn't know what that would look like.
It has been a bit of a journey cause I had to keep reaching out for help to start to overcome my addiction issues..and the wall that I have constructed around me for so long was now not working for me..I have been letting people into my life slowly.. but I allways seemto have it at the back of my mind when are they gonna hurt me.. so here I type. Feeling broken. And as people have said numb. One day it has to get better then this..it just has to ..its my only hope. Tide