The better half of this week has been hell for me. I have struggled so hard to maintain who I am. I have felt like another person since Tuesday. It feels as if my real self is trying to hold on, but the abused me wants to take over. The abused person in me has those images and fantasies about men while the normal me just wants peace. It's as if I struggle to maintain my soul. It's as if the abused me is trying to protect the regular me. I keep having trouble focusing on reality. I am trying to figure out what could be triggering these episodes. I don't personally perceive any immediate danger, but my mind is on high alert. Every time someone talks to me, I have to fight the urge to not run away.
I hate when I get into these phases because it literally takes all of my energy and focus just to act normal around people. One thing I am grateful for is that everyday isn't that way, but when it comes I am miserable until it runs its' course. (just had to let that out)
Every hidden secret will eventually find light