On the topic of SSA vs orientation.
The threads on this topic have been helpful. Iㅓ
I would like to add my own experience to the mix.
When I told my mom that i had messed around with my best friend and was now heartbroken because he refused to engage me in public but when we were drunk would pull me aside for increasingly passionate sex, she said sadly, "You are gay or bisexual. And that is fine. Nothing wrong with it. It will make your options smaller, not larger, because the number of people who you can deal with this are few."
So in a word, full acceptance. At 17 I had a 35 year old partner who slept in my room in my stepfather's house. Again, full acceptance. He was an incredibly devoted lover and was sure that we would last forever, but for me, my heart was set on getting married and having kids...experiencing real love with a woman. My complement.
ANd for me, it had nothing to do with social pressure. It was just the yearning of my heart.
So I did get married and we have a child. And she is aware of my past and of my acting out down to the last detail. She is at peace with it, as much as can be expected.
She knows I will not leave her for another man. She knows I no longer have the compulsion to have actual sexual contact with men.
But now I do have a family. These days (having had boyfriends previous to my marriage) having really enjoyed the companionship that a sexual partnering with a male provides, I find myself really missing that. Holding a guy at night, road trips, being rowdy and affectionate. I miss it all.
Does it make me gay or bisexual? I've always defined those terms by 'what gender you want to partner with' not 'what gender you want to fuck'.
For me, i don't want to partner exclusively with a male. But would i love to have a special friend to go camping with from time to time. Sure would.
Anyway...this is just a note for those of you who are questioning about this stuff. Especially those who are so waste deep in societal expectations and wondering if they might be gay if the rest of the world could handle it:
Guess what, even if the rest of the world sets up a parade for you to celebrate your coming out...it may not end up being the easy answer you thought it might be.
I'm more secure in my sexuality than I ever have been, and I respect those who have good reason to label themselves. I guess I just can't that easily.
Edited by GoldStone (07/17/13 02:41 AM)