I have found those that listen and give a gentle smile have been the most helpful. Also, on good days, ask how are you doing. The survivor likes to be able to say I am feeling good.

Words of understanding to the survivor seem unreal because the survivor knows the person does not understand the emotions, the damage, the self loathing, the feeling of being worthless and the confusion in the mind on how the parts of the survivor feels about the abuser. Part of the survivor may despise the abuser and a part, the child, may have feelings of love. It is so confusing to the survivor. Do not doubt the survivors feelings, do not say get over it, do not accuse the survivor of pretending or exaggerating. Just listen and do not be judgmental.

As a survivor I met people who lent their ear and smile and I met those that attacked me for the abuse and how I reacted to the abuse--this stifle the healing and can push the survivor back to the deep darkness of the abuse.

I hope this helps. As suggested here, seeking counseling for yourself, you need support.