Cafeman -

good story. and the best part is your determination to see the original event transformed from a trigger into a positive and healing experience by seeing it and feeling it in a new and healthy way.

i can tell you from my own history that this is possible.

one of my worst previous triggers was being touched through my undershorts. that was because the early episodes of molestation often involved being fondled through my underwear. it would then progress to more intimate stuff from there. but the initial touches while i still had my shorts on were what were the most disturbing and most arousing for some reason.

once i was married, i had a terrible time with the feelings that returned when this scenario would be repeated. i did not have the conscious memory to make sense of the trigger - but it made me feel very repulsed from the situation, yet very excited - and because of the conflict of those two feelings - very self-loathing.

now - understanding what caused the trigger - and with a lot of work and the help of a good therapist and an understanding and patient wife - i have gotten over the trigger - and actually love the sensation of being felt up by her through my clothes. the memories have lost their power over me.

all the best to you as you seek that good and positive and transforming kiss on the neck!
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"