I am new to this forum and website resource.
I wanted to share my brief story, and then I had some questions from people to see what kind of advice they have have, or their stories and progress.
My quick background:
First year at college I was abused at age 18 by an older male friend who I was staying with during college. This was my first sexual encounter of any type. (I never had any girlfriends in college.)
I have since had no further sexual experiences, and have never had any relationships. I have buried this and avoided it for the last 12 years. But the last 6 months I have been facing this and doing much research.
During these years, I avoided relationships because I was confused of my identity.
Last night I wrote my story down and gave it to a friend to read, and letting him know I needed a good friend. I'm afraid I may have made him disgusted towards me for TMI in my story. I have not heard from him at all in the last 24 hours after I gave him my story. (It is difficult to verbalize, so I wrote it instead.)
Things I have realized:
-I was 18 when it happened, instead of being a young child - so I feel it has not had as much of an impact on me as it would have a developing child.
- The perpetrator is deceased, so he can't have a hold over my life, and he can't hurt anyone else.
- I have read some developmental theories, and have determined that my confusion was based, mostly, on my experiences and having a desire to rehash them while in control.
- It is time for me to start dating.
- This will not run my life if I don't let it.
- Talking through your thoughts is the best way to figure out and have "ah-ha" moments and be able to move on.
Now here are my questions:
1 - Has anybody been shunned by a friend when you discussed your story with them? And how did you salvage the relationship or not? (I'm also anxious, because he may not have even read it yet.)
2 - Does anyone else have identity confusion from their experiences? What were these outcomes?
3 - Has anybody had a healthy heterosexual relationship following their abuse, or what struggles have you had to deal with or overcome in the relationships?
I hope this gives some a brief outline. There is finally light and hope after the last 12 years. And I hope someone's story will be able to give me that "ah-ha" moment I need.
Thank you and blessings to all!