Hey txb,
Sorry to hear about your experiences lately, and wish things were going better for you.

I do that numbing out thing and dissociate at times too. It can feel so weird to feel out of your body and not really THERE all the time.

I would really encourage you not to give up too quickly on therapy, especially with issues you stated with having your life controlled by others. It is hard at first not to see your T as an authority figure, rather than a partner in healing. Maybe the T triggered that in you. Or maybe you uncovered something in that first session that you have not internalized yet that may have resulted in dissociating a bit. Either way, I think you owe it to yourself to try to keep going and figure out the answer to that.

It took me a good 2 or 3 months to start feeling good about it. It is hard to open up to someone, and even harder when you know you have limited time to get out all you may want to say. I freaked out after my first few sessions because I felt like I wanted someone to take this away from me, and all the T did was nod and shake her head and offer support. It wasn't until much later that I realized the T is not there to wave a wand to make it all go away. She was there to help and offer guidance on where I was and what I was doing about it.

That being said, I do come to my T with lists of things I want to talk about. Granted I see her every 2 or sometimes 3 weeks, so a lot can go down in that time. But, now I value my T sessions because of the sense of direction it gives me to what would otherwise be me floating around in my head with no guidance.

I might re-think college once you are more centered, since you said it was spur of the moment. Wait a few days and re-evaluate. But, by all means if you need the time off, then take it. Just make sure you are grounded as much as possible in the reasons why.

I hope you find your way to a more focused sense of reality. I know it can be really scary when you stop feeling like you care about things. That is classic depression, and I have been there, too.

But, you DID care enough to post about it here and lend a voice to your concerns. That is a very important. And a good first step to taking action to reverse it, if you ask me.

Good luck, txb. You do own your life and you do deserve to care about it and yourself.


"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein