I appreciate all of the support! I had my first visit to the counselor's last week. She said that she didn't want to work on the memories and visions from my past, she wanted to work more on what I could do to move forward, since dwelling on old suffering generally created new suffering. That seemed good to me, since I'm not wild about really dwelling on my abuse anyway (to do so seems a lot like turning on the light really quick and actually seeing the monster in your bedroom). She acknowledged that little kids as young as one-year-old will retain memories of extraordinary trauma.

I just really am still kind of amazed by what a pool of shame I have. I didn't even know how ashamed I was until I was squirming on the counselor's couch (yes, she actually had a couch), trying to figure out how to get the heck out of there before she could see how messed up I am.

Thanks again,