Thanks so much for the link to the article. All I can say is Wow! Yes! Uncertainty and mystery are very active in our sexual being and why should it not be so.
Now I can see why experimenting may not be a plan for closure. (Closure is in general overrated). What I liked about the article is that it suggests that all kinds of sensations and feelings may have something to do with our thoughts and also may have nothing to do with our thoughts. The goal is to be in a good place of and with uncertainty.
I also liked how the article considered the presence of bullying thoughts as problematic. I think this relates to a few different experiences I had growing up. For instance, I remember when a school friend of mine told me that a girl had said she would say yes if I asked her to a dance. I asked her and she didn't. Then I looked over to him on the playground and there he was grinning. This was an awful experience of feeling I had no place in the game of attraction.
On another note, last week I had an unexpected feeling of attraction in the groinal area at a particularly vulnerable but victorious moment when I was around a beefy guy. Go figure.
At this particular moment I am in a public place reading your post and the article and a pretty woman keeps shifting her legs next to me. I really feel like a man and it's fun. Go figure.
Keep posting, sharing and talking, especially when it's hard to deal with. I hope you can find your way to some peace in the mix of uncertainty.
Take good care of yourself too along the way. We didn't ask for our mistreatments and deserve some space to find ourselves amidst the pain.
Lose the drama; life is a poem.