I am sorry that happened to you. And yes, I would identify that as a definite situation of ASA... rape. No means no... and definitely an incapacitated no means no. At the time, you didn't give it much thought as to being an assault, but your friend did. You say you didn't acknowledge it as such even then, but you were already sensitized to having your body used, to being abused.
Going to beat my personal dead horse, but the ASA I experienced was much the same, only there was no exchange of words. You were drunk and high, you were incapacitated. I was oblivious because of the anesthesia and pain pills, I was incapacitated. You said no. I said nothing. But the law in most states identifies sexual assault and rape as rape if done to the person while that person was in an incapacitated state and could not make sound judgement. Which we were. It took me almost three months of therapy when I began in November to just say the word- rape. And that it happened to me. 5 years after the fact.
Why has it taken you so long to think about it as rape? The same reason it took me almost 5 years to acknowledge my experience as rape. We were conditioned to think we were for the use of someone else. I knew it was wrong, you knew it was wrong for them to do as adults to us, what they did.
I had no idea the impact it had on my life, but it did, it does. Everyday that goes by I think at some point of the fact that someone so disrespected my being as an adult that they raped me for their own satisfaction. It took away what little trust I had established in others, it took away what I had spent years trying to build with self-esteem, awareness, and yatta, yatta.
I just say thank you for sharing your experience. Sexual assault is sexual assault and its effects are forever. Doesn't matter if we are children, teens, or adults. If not for this place, where would we be? And again, I am sorry that has happened to you.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.