I've started to read more stories of other survivors/ recovery issues of others.

I seem to get more triggered by stories which I have little/ no experience with. It's like when I read a story so strikingly similar to my own past it doesn't invoke any where near as much anger in me when compared to a story with a different dynamic- perhaps the age difference as in the victim was very young (I was 14-22 my csa) or when the perp might be a father or mother (compared to my non-blood uncle).

I guess that is why I can't give much advice to others with different stories as I just get so mad in my head at the bastard who caused them harm. So many sick fucking individuals on this planet ruining the future generations hopes and abilities by preying on them as vulnerable kids.

As I've mentioned before I'm going through a patch of on and off deep depression but one of the things keeping me going is hate for perps. I have this weird idea that if I committed suicide right now it would mean a 24 year old man is gone. Then to replace me it would take 24 years for a new born to reach my moment in life right now. Take 24 years for that child to grow, become strong and get to a point of standing up for human values and stand up against pieces of shit who ruthlessly exploit children and others. So I discard the thought of suicide because the world doesn't want to have to wait another 24 years for a person to be in the position to do the right thing- stand up and fight these fucking bastards. I'll take this mandate on now and in the future I won't stop with just my perp. I like the idea of a career in child protection, or adopting disadvantaged children, being outspoken against csa just anything to aid the global effort against csa and the deranged selfish fucks who purport the acts every fucking day. Right now some fucker is doing it, and they will have consequences. The swifter the better.

I'm not religious at all. I guess I'm just driven by the memory of my deceased grandmother who was the best person I've ever known and the fact that how ever much pain I'm going through on a day to day basis fuck it I'm not taking it lying down.

My local football team has a banner in the stadium which says STAND OR FALL. ALBION.