I am sorry for your pain. It truly does suck that the past can control our life. Few understand our pain-the memories, the body memories and the sounds or words come alive as we try to sleep, they creep into our subconscious, robbing us of the sleep we need to help us heal. I had over a year of little to no sleep but no one, not even I, knew what was happening. I continued to deny the past, the words and actions of others triggered the memories, they made him come back to me--I did not want him back so I thought--a part of me did want him--the child within that I left behind when it all began. As I move on the healing journey I am learning to share my past and love the child within. I am learning not to hate a part of me. It has taken years but I am getting a sense of peace.
It takes time, do not be hard on yourself--as I was on myself. Love yourself and remember you were not responsible for what happened--the guilt and shame you carry can destroy as can the secret many of us hid for a lifetime. Share when you feel comfortable. Letting it out will help.
When going through the process it seems as though there is no peace insight. I felt that way many, many times. I would move forward and then slip back. I thought of giving up, but I remembered what my doctor said--I deserve the happy tomorrows.
Stay strong, heal and remember you are valuable and are not responsible for what was done to you.