Jaifian, it's good to hear that you do well most of the time. I appreciate the phrase "riding them out" concerning the flashbacks. I am still learning how to do that. Unfortunately, those flashbacks seem to sneak in and drag us back to a place and time we don't want to go.
I can't pretend to know what an assault does to a man when a gun is involved and your life is threatened. I can only imagine. I do know what it feels like to have my life threatened multiple times by the same man who raped me (I think this may be the first time I have admitted this on MS- thats a big thing). And I have the flashbacks that remind me it did happen, my life was threatened, and it fucks me up for a while also.
Don't think for an instant you did something wrong. I am telling you ... it is a fallacy... FALLACY... you had nothing to do with your rape. I was assaulted and there was nothing I could do and there wasn't even a gun. Hell-o-Pete, you had a gun to your head!
I am glad you returned to post.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.