Hey guys, I haven't been around in a long time. I've been doing some group sessions with some local people and I thought I was making progress. Finally got a good job and a promotion, got a really nice house, kids were doing great. I felt like my wife and I were really connecting for the first time in a while. Then on Sunday the sun imploded.
For some background, I almost lost my daughter a few years ago to a freak accident, afterwords all the stuff I'd tried to hide from myself came spewing out, I told my wife everything, including the fact that I had had some sexual experiences with men before meeting her. She was very accepting at the time, and was a great partner, and was a big help to me during one of the worst times in my life.
I got home from work on Sunday and everything was normal, then my wife and I got talking while the kids were getting ready for bed, she was telling me about one of her friends who was having trouble with her husband getting hit on by another guy and stuff. Went to tuck the kids back in and she got all wierd and basically told me that I didn't really want to be with her. What?
The next day she told me she wanted to break up the finances and keep things separate "so that you can do what you want with your half of the money" What?
So she was acting really wierd and I finally said WTF??? She told me that she doesn't trust me when I say that I love her and she can't trust that I've never cheated on her with men, and that she's just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've told her all along that what I was doing was acting out when I was young and confused, and I don't know where this shit is coming from. She basically said she's not sure she wants to be with me anymore and that 'she's freeing me to see other people'. Then she cried and said I'm her best friend and she doesn't want to lose me, I started to have a panic attack and she tried to calm me down by having sex.
I'm sorry for the wall of text but I'm just freaking out. I've been in a horrible panic for days, my heart won't stop racing, and I've been on the edge of tears constantly. She's scheduled a time on Friday to see a councilor herself but for what specifically I don't know. She says she wants to take it slow and not decide anything now but jesus fuck!
She keeps trying to cuddle and act like everythings ok but I just feel so violated and betrayed, and conflicted, and hurt, and I feel like I just had the reset button hit on my recovery and I'm back to square one. I know I haven't been a very good husband over the years but for her to do this to me when everything was looking up is just ripping me apart.
I don't know why I'm posting this really, I just need to tell someone, has anyone else been through anything like this?
"Do you think God lets you plea bargain?" - Calvin & Hobbes