sometimes this is how i feel inside...

it ain't pretty. it is noisy, distorted, chaotic, ugly

"Think about your life; think about your life in the ground
Think about your pain, think about it, then suck it down
Think about the road; think about the road that you're on
Think about your life, now its gone
Face up - And change -
Your time - Displaced -
No way - You're gonna Escape -
If you could see through my eyes
You'll see I'm f--ked up inside"

Originally Posted By: Suwanee

Another obscure pick from the early 90s. Fury in the Slaughterhouse "Every Generation got its own Disease"(1993)

College was about to wind down and I was in a funk because the real world scared the hell out of me:


my generation had its own disease for sure.
we grew up with nihilism, and then we were struck down with aids.
the first wave of that epidemic wiped out half of my friends in the 80's.
most people got it before we even knew it existed.
i was either lucky or immune.
but i had to witness friends, family, and associates die.

"learning to fly, but i ain't got wings
coming down, it the hardest thing.
well the good ol' day may not return
and the rocks might melt and the sea may burn...

some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown."

during that time, i began the long, lonely, narrow path of masturbation, monogamy and eventually marriage.
so in a way, aids saved my life. going from absolute amorality to abstinence under the threat of death.
it was easy to commit, but hard to follow through.
many times i fell or snuck back into old patterns of risky behaviour.
it was having children that really made me WANT to clean up my act.
eventually this adventure ended up with me reading the bible a lot.
when the bible started to make sense to me, i knew that i was now truly insane, or that i had finally found something spiritual that worked for me.
this whole topic of music is a mine-field of triggers.
it also a treasure trove of keys and combinations to the locks on our minds.

"i am immune to you, you are immune to me, we are both sick souls with the same disease"

this "topic" turned from something fun and nostalgic into a profound soul-searching journey.

as i listen to the songs i have not heard for years (now with headphones and an old man's perspective), plus the new ones being posted by my fellow survivors... deep patterns are beginning to emerge.

we'll all just have to learn to "shake the disease"

more depeche mode here:

i wonder just how many of these artists were also survivors.
i would bet on a very large percentage.

anyway, i will close with this song which has been running through my skull.

"hold you in his arms yeah you can feel his disease"

bonus: awesome JOE COCKER version from the movie ACROSS THE UNIVERSE