Definitely. Do you have your own therapist? That might be a good starting point for you: clarify your feelings surrounding this, and work on approaches to changing it.

I sometimes wonder if any of my H's faves are abuse-based, and it's difficult to trust when he says they're not. He's not particularly fetishistic, however, or not to a degree too far off from Vanilla Life. If I'm not feeling into it, I just say "I'm not up for ___, but what about ___ instead?" (The second blank is where I suggest something that's fairly obviously safe, or is at least safer from what I can gather from the details I do know.) it's difficult not knowing if stuff we've done all along is perpetuating internal abuse cycles and re-enactment. I have to trust that I'm getting the truth. It may mean actually asking at some point, but I would definitely only do so with therapeutic guidance.