Hi sticky

This is one of those situations.
I know that my approach is a tough one, but there are two people to consider here. You and Him. You already sound like you are at the end of your tether.
Then there is him, and he has a problem. He will if you let him, Ignore the situation as long as he can or until his life becomes unmanageable.
You can either help to make his life unmanageable faster, or you can wait until he decides to face his demons.
Make a decision now that YOU can live with, like I will stay with him if he begins healing and help. Or you can decide to leave if he does not seek to heal.
When I get to an addict for an intervention, I dont paint a rosy picture and say well perhaps if you feel like it we can go to a rehab and try get you clean. No I tell him the facts, If you continue on this path, you will DIE, this is the truth.

Now your husband has the choice. We KNOW that he was abused as a child, he told you. we know that this causes the current state that he is in, this we know from the many testimonies we have here on MS. and e also know from testimonies here that this could get worse before it gets better.
I wish that I could have seen the 200 men program 10 years ago, I dont know if it would have made a difference, but I really feel that I would have begun the healing process earlier, I could have had a very very different life right now.
I told my X wife 15 years ago, and only began my healing journey 3 years ago. Imagine If I had heard the testimonies of other abused men 15 years ago, wow I could have had a very different life.
If you are going to let him deal with this thing (That he doesnt even understand) his way, well then you need to make a decision and decide how long you will actually wait, whether you ill put your life on hold till he heals or decides too.
You will end up resenting him and blame him for things that you are not happy with. This is what happened to us. We were married for 21 years,
I wish someone played hard ball with me about this 15 years ago.

With all this said, this is my experience. I am now a healthy happy man Confident and outgoing. I run a group for male survivors in South Africa. I am also starting a group For female Survivors. I fight for the recognition of male survivors in our country. I am not saying that I am the ultimate in the treatment of mens ailments, But what I am saying is that you need to control the things that you can control, and those are the decisions that affect YOU,
You can give him the information, buy him the books and get him to watch the movies and the 200 men show, BUT you cannot make him heal. But you can control what it is that you will do and how much you will allow yourself to go through.
This is just to give you an alternate aproach
Truth is that you know in your heart what is best for you both, you will make the right decision. Trust our heart.

Take care
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