It was really hard but I did it. I felt sick to my stomach and nervous as hell but I did it. I told H when he came home drunk two weeks ago that I couldn't watch him hurt himself anymore. I told him that if he is going to go out and drink that he needs to stay at a buddys house. (Normally I am sick with worry and wait up for him and then he stumbles in and vomits while I grab a garbage can and help him to bed). He acted upset with me and implied that I was treating him badly. I reminded him that we talked about this two weeks ago and that I wasn't going to be his enabler. And that it is just to heartbreaking for me to watch anymore. He didn't have anything to say to that. :-P
I then texted his friend who I know very well and told him that H would need to stay with him tonight and that I hoped that was okay. He said it was.
After it was done I no longer felt nervous. I felt empowered. I felt like I finally had cut the rope that ties me to his alcoholism. A weight was lifted. This really really surprised me because as I was doing it I felt super nervous.
I guess I'm posting because what I did tonight I feel was a big step for both H and myself. I gave him back the portion of accountability that I held for his alcoholism. I took it long ago and it wasn't mine to take. So it seemed like I should return it to its rightful owner. Now that he has full accountibility for his alcoholism I hope that he will be able to feel how heavy a load it really is. In time.
I'm really proud of myself. I just needed to share with someone.
Everything comes from within