Rosemary and Whome, thank you so much! That was huge!
He disclosed this week...and then the counselor (through a DV clinic) said we only have two sessions left. His IC is at a local college with a grad student, who will be seeing him at least through the end of summer.
He was so sad and hinted that there might be more; he still has 'lost time', and I completely understand that. (Still have a few years myself that are blanked out for the most part.) I thanked him for talking, and the session did center around how both of us are emotionally triggered the most. it was really helpful. She asked that we look into each working on our old tapes and life lies we were taught, too. It was a great session.
I'm working on changing my responses to his anger when it surfaces (even if it shows up as irritations and smaller stuff) so that the door stays open for communication and support. I keep inadvertently closing it with my "don't you dare treat me that way/talk to me like that" reactions based on my history. Choosing to respond instead of react is a big deal, and I'm willing to take that on.