I've thought about that too. I'm fairly new here. I think I can say this not only for me. It relives in us. It's a permanent wound inside of us that will never disappear. It can be well-cared for with love and help. But it's just there. I don't think we relive it as much as it relives us.

In honesty I didn't say this first. I may not have said it completely. A member on here that I met in AA meeting said it in the meeting. When I first noticed him was the day he shared his csa and asa in the AA meeting. I've been doing everything I could to avoid even thinking about my csa. But he just sat there when he started sharing and told a whole lot. I had a anxiety attack and left the meeting. Thought I was dying. But it got better. After the meeting I went to him and told him about what happened to me. He referred me here. He always is a constant in my life now too.

So I may not remember exactly how he said it. Alcohol helped me to try to stop knowing about it. But a few months back I decided to give up the alcohol. Then the pain of it was worst. When he explained it this way in the meeting. It makes sense. No real survivor is thrilled to relive it. Even dysfunctional survivors that enjoy the s&m to relive it, I doubt if they went back to those times they would choose to relive it all again.