Hi everyone, I was abused by an older woman when I was 15, after 16 years I finally decided I was sick of living with what she did to me and reported her.

The court process is still at the committal stage but I've been told she is negotiating with the prosecution team to plead guilty to two count of sex with a minor.

I really want her to serve jail time, I've lived with the affects of the "relationship" for too long while she laughs and me and goes about her pathetic existence, I'm working on a victim impact statement and was hoping to get an idea of whether I am on the right track?

Here goes, I've removed names since this is still at court.

Victim Impact Statement

I’ve never written a victim impact statement before, it’s supposed to focus purely on the crime committed but to focus purely on that would not let people know how what Wendy did really affected me.

Before the offence occurred I was a relatively normal 15 year old who hung out with friends, played computers games, rode my bike and watched cartoons.

The events that occurred the morning of 17th October 1997 should never have happened, within a month I was addicted to Marijuana, had drunk Alcohol several times and was living with a woman who I thought was protecting me from her friends and family who were now threatening to hurt me or blaming me for being with her, I had no idea what I was doing, I knew it was wrong but the more I was threatened by people the more fear I felt of them coming after me that I stayed because I thought this woman was protecting me.

I was told several disturbing things from others and from this woman which indicated she was trying to get pregnant such as “she said she wants to have another baby at any cost” and her herself telling me she won’t get pregnant but not wanting to use any type of protection and asking me while drunk if I want to have another child I trusted her because she was an adult and as far as I was concerned adults didn’t lie and hurt people. I spent several months barricading myself in bedrooms or sheds and running away from the house so that her ex or his brother couldn’t smash my head in which was a constant fear and was threatened every time I saw them.

I can’t describe how or why I stayed with this woman for as long as I did, I tried to leave but was too weak, I couldn’t go without Marijuana for more than half a day and if I did go longer she would get me back onto it, she convinced me we were sole mates and were meant to be together and I believed her. Before long I didn’t think anyone would want me because of the disgusting things I had done with her, I was also made to believe that girls my age were not worth it, they were all disgusting with diseases and only wanted to steal me from her after which they wouldn’t want me, this woman went as far as threatening a girl I was getting close to claiming I was “her man” and to stay away. Her family and friends always seemed to blame me for what happened saying that it takes two to tango or threatening me that I’d better not hurt her in any way. I was a joke, at family gatherings I was the baby sitter while all the adults sat around talking to each other, I was told that they don’t like me being with her and that I had to earn their respect like my very presence offended them. Once she became pregnant my fate seemed sealed, I had to stay because it was the right thing to do.

One by one my friends left, some because I started getting angry all the time and would lash out at people while drunk or stoned, or they simply didn’t want to hang around someone who was living with an old woman and spending all their time getting stoned to escape reality, I suffered never ending bouts of depression and thought the only way out was to kill myself, she would just tell me I was a sook and turn her music up, I went as far as to try hanging myself with a rope which wasn’t high enough off the ground, she thought it was hilarious.

I have never gotten over what she did to me and it affects me more and more every day, I cannot talk to counselors about it because they simply do not understand, nobody understands the affect this can have on a male, like female victims I feel something was stolen from me, I feel I was used and I blame myself because I wanted it to happen, I was not old enough to comprehend what I was doing but she was, she knew exactly what she was doing and shouldn’t have had sex with me once let alone continue on and call it a relationship.

I feel overwhelming regret and anger over the fact that the experience of my first child being born was one of extreme embarrassment and confusion, from being told to run home to mummy if I don’t want a child to the nurse walking out after asking “whose this boy?” and being told “he’s the father”.
Today I can’t look at photos of this woman or her friends and family without feeling sick, hearing her voice makes my heart pound and I feel anxious, perfume or other smells remind me of her and I will feel sick. I have trouble socialising with anyone my age especially males as I don’t feel like I belong with people in my age group, I also constantly wonder what they think about my relationship with her, I can’t bond with other males because at some point I will need to tell them I am a victim, I cannot bring myself to pretend it was alright when it wasn’t, being a victim is not something a “real man” can admit to and there must be something wrong with me.

She has never once said sorry, any time I brought it up with her, begging her to say simply that she knows how much it affected me she would get angry and tell me to stop being a sook and remind me of how hard it was on her to have put up with all my depression and crap over the years and that I just need to get over it.

Edited by jj3677 (04/10/13 07:28 AM)