I've been having some problems with one of my superiors at work. For those of you who don't know, I work as a baggage handler at the airport.
I had an workplace injury last September and I have since been on 'modified duties'. I am not supposed to lift heavy things until the tendon in my finger heals. My HR manager keeps calling me and asking me when I am coming back to regular duties and during his last phone call he said, "Come on, man. Let's go!". As if I could somehow control how fast my finger heals.
Even though I am not expected to, I still lift things here and there because I want to make myself useful. Atleast, that's what I tell myself. I often thing that may be the real reason is that pretty much everyone looks down on guys who are on 'modified duties' and I just want everyone to like me.
Anyways, the superior in question is always asking me to do things. No one in the company likes him because he's incredibly lazy. The first time I hated him was when we had to ride a tractor together. He's well over 200 lbs and I was sitting next to him, his thigh was touching mine for the entire ride. I was deeply disturbed.
One day he called me 'honey'. I was so enraged, but didn't say a word to him. Then, there was the time he said, "Can I abuse you?". I was speechless. I was sitting on a tractor and he was in front of it. He then said, "I know you are on your break, but drop this baggage cart at the gate". I wanted to mow him down with the tractor, but I said nothing and did what he wanted.
He called me 'honey' again today, but this time I said, "Don't call me 'honey'!" and I walked away. But what really derailed me happened at the end of my shift. Our shifts ended at the same time and he caught up to me as I was waiting for the elevator.
As we waited, he said, "let me show you how to throw a punch" and he proceeded to punch the elevator door. "you have to twist your body, like this". Unsure of what to say, I said, "good to know", in a sarcastic voice.
Once we got in the elevator, he wanted to show me how to deflect a choke hold. When I didn't respond, he moved in closer and took my hands and placed them on his neck.
Then he showed me how to do it. I was so caught off guard when he grabbed my hands, I looked up to see if there was a camera in the elevator, just in case something happened. I felt really uncomfortable with him touching my upper body. By the time he finished his 'lesson', I realized that I had just stood there frozen the entire time. It was like I was 10 all over again.
Once we exited the elevator, he kept on saying stuff that he thought was funny. And I, instead of saying to him, "If you ever touch me again without my permission, I will kill you!" (which is what I really wanted to say), I just pretended nothing happened and fake laughed at his 'jokes'.
I hate the 10 year old kid who couldn't stand up to his abuser. I hate the 26 year old that kid barely grew up to be, who still can't stand up for himself.
And why the f**k are some people so clueless about boundaries? It isn't really that difficult, is it? I keep thinking, if only I were slightly more 'macho', people would stop messing with me.
I am furious with myself because I can't seem to be able to protect myself from either of these people.