That wasn't fair for her to speak about your situation like that. What I connect with most is when you say how she was looking at you with a kind of "I have to be patient with him" look. I felt that way once when I was negotiating about a bill with the receptionist at my therapist's office. It was actually a minor thing, and I was trying to ask a question more than challenge anything, and yet she just gave me this "I feel sorry for you look" and refused to hear what I was saying.
How she responded to me said nothing about me, and how the barbecue girl spoke to you says nothing about you.
Thanks for posting what happened. It helps me think through my own stuff.
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy