Karin, after reading your post I am emotionally twisted in ways that I don't know if I can express. I think I am some what in shock... (not at your concerns but at the volume of information that your husband has shared with you.)

I am a 39yr old MS who was abused from 8 to 14. I stopped dating over 10yrs ago. I would give anything and I mean anything to have a relationship more or less a marriage. NEVER EVER EVER would I admit to my wife of my acting out in a homosexual manor nor any type of SSA. Here's why, for one it is an issue that I have a problem with and it's my life, my feelings, yet I can't find the words to explain it to myself. Two, when my ex and I ended our engagement she used knowledge of my childhood sexual abuse against me. She said that since I had a sexual relationship with my abuser until I was 14 that I must be gay. Now, if she used the abuse against me then NEVER EVER will I tell a girlfriend/ wife about my acting out as an adult..... NEVER!

I guess what I am trying to say..... I get the words out right. Your husband obviously LOVES and TRUST you!!!! Therefor do not go searching for anything, you don't have to. He has to hold on to some things just because "they" are his. Now, for you to know what you do about him then I have no doubt that when he is ready you will know the rest.

I am kinda jealous, really. He has you and you have got to be a remarkable woman!! If I know this about you just from your post then your KNOWS this about you as well.

As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I have found it difficult to learn to live with "feelings". I am still very emotionally "sick". So I am left with the question, "Now what". I can deal with the vicious cycle of being raped then loved but it is the fall out from the past that hurts me today.