Thank you. The things everyone says to me on here are so kind and helpful to me. I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve it. Like I blow it all out of proportion. I hope what brought you here is getting better for you too. I hope what brought every dude here is getting better for them. I don't really know too much of anything anyone has been through. I'm too scared to read through the details of it. I watched the movie about the Wallflower about a month ago on cable. I didn't even know it dealt with csa. The description was vaguely written. I only thought some actors were good-looking in it. With the story as a whole I was beside myself with emotions. I was also scared to sleep, especially alone that night. I kinda feel that reading the details on here will be the same. That was a fictional story line. This is actual reality. Maybe I'm still not really ready to deal with all of this yet.

I do feel like a coward for it. But I can't help myself. I learn not to wallow in self pity. That's bad to do. I hope I don't seem ungrateful or anything. It's just that I feel like I'm making my life seem more messed up than it was. I've been raised to believe that no matter what's happening. It could always be worst. So I pretty much believe that things the other dudes went through were way worse than me. I hope my writing earlier didn't make me sound like I'm trying to be in a pity party. And I hope this one doesn't either. I know I can't cry over spilled milk. So I will try not to get in a pity party anymore when I write. Guess just dealing with it again after so long make it really come back alive. That's the reason I sounded so emotional. Feeling a little better today.