My H is rarely, if ever, hypersexual. Aversion is his fallback. Avoiding sex=avoiding intimacy=mentally 'safe' place for him. I second Shawushka: until he is ready to heal, everyone suffers some.

Lately, mine has been asking for more non sexual touch, yet still retains some hurtful behaviors which break down trust again. I don't want to be cozy with people who hurt me, and he can't understand why I won't snuggle or (if he would like) have sex.

I've also noticed him seeming to dissociate during sex, which triggers my own 'less-than' feelings. He's refusing to discuss his healing at all with me, so I'm at a loss. Frankly, I feel like I'm in emotional Siberia.

The good news is that neither of us are willing to have rote sex where we all zone out, and that's improvement. But for me, communication and power exchange (non BDSM power exchange, I mean the average amount of exchange) are vital, and that's missing again.

Two steps forward, three back sometimes.