I go to college and I have a lot of trauma. My mom was real poor and on welfare and a drug addic and alcoholic. She traded me alot to dealers for drugs and other things. She dated drug users/dealers that supplied her the things she needed because I was there to satisfy them. She overdosed three years old when I was sixteen. She never confessed to what she did. Those men weren't the ones I wanted and needed love and security from. It was her. But she always somehow never remembered the man dragging me to her bed screaming. She kicked me out the house when I was fifteen because I was supposedly too much to handle. My uncle took me up for a few months. My aunt was the first relative I told. I broke down crying and told her the most horrible things. But my mom's sister, who I thought really loved me took a belt and whipped me for making up lies. So mom and a few of her relatives sent me away to a summer camp. I fell hard in love/lust with a seventeen year old boy in this Christian summer camp. We got caught having anal sex. I was kicked out for it. A big embarrassment to my Aunt who attended faithfully the Church that sponsored it. My family now had all the fuel they needed to mock me and tell me everything I said was lies. I took to drugs and alcohol and street/park prostitution. I was trying to escape the hurt of my family not believing me, I suppose. Also at the age just having older males caress and pamper me and give me things and treat me kindly was comforting to me. My mom died of an overdose and a particular regular john came to the funeral. He helped me rehab from drugs after mom's death. But I refused to give up alcohol. I've been clean from drugs for nearly three years. Alcohol I've been sober from about three months. I've never brought up the physical and sexual abuse to anyone again until today. I was at a local AA meeting and a male survivor openly shared his story. I was amazed. After talking with him today he referred me here. So here I am. Don't know anyone but I'm just gonna be me. I like music and movies. No major yet in school. I'm just going through general studies and meeting cool dudes. Love to hang out with dudes from the community college. That's about it for now.
Edited by lukedamien (04/06/13 12:44 AM)