here it goes. im 35 and a sahd. i was abused by my grandfather from around age 3-8 and the peak of the abuse was the years 5-7 when my mom, sis, and i lived with him.
i tested into all gifted programs throughout school, but still graduated with only a 2.2 gpa (never did homework, only past on test grades) was quickly accepted into the university of tn where i quit before finals my first semester. This became a cycle. I would do a job for two or three months then quit. had lots of opportunities that could have become lucrative careers that i just quit going. all my relationships were the same way. i would treat a girl like a goddess then be sick of her.
that was until i met my wife. for the first time ever my mind was telling me to run away (like i do from everything) and i refused to do it. it led to a small period of cutting, but also made it easier for me to talk about my issues to her.
we have been together 10yrs and have a 3yo and 4yo. my wife is the love of my life. she is very hyper sexual(do to her own problems) and it drives her insane that i am passe about sex. i love sex and i have never had sex on the level that i do with her, but just thinking about sex makes me feel dirty. sex acts dont, but i cant ever get in the mood to have sex because i dont ever want to think about sex. all i want to learn is how to not demonize sex in my mind