man you sure do have a ton of stuff you are trying to process all at once! I know the feeling I call it the "head noise" just so much ...too much to process. so try to give yourself a break man it really is too much to do. I know how overwhelming this all is but you are not destroyed not by a long shot. we are all here to help you and I hope that you have found your way to a good therapist who deals in male Childhood sexual trauma or at least trauma in general. just breathe slow calming breaths you are among friends in a safe place. welcome man... sorry you needed to be here but Im glad you have found us
I've got a therapist who specializes in CSA survivors, also in group therapy for this among many other things. This is my definition of a break, I was off of this site for a month so I could stop thinking about the abuse. And while I was able to stop thinking about HIM, it's still overbearing.
I don't think I really can take a break, seeing as I thought I was taking one. Also, my life does not promote this. I live at home with two parents who are alcoholics and don't trust each other and are going through financial crisis, with a disabled brother and a psychotic brother. Of course all of this bleeds onto me, not to mention everything else in this fucking house. (The house I was abuse in, the room I was abused in, yes I'm still living here). I don't have a job so I'm forced to stay here, with usually nothing to do but listen to music. And for whatever reason, my hobby, gaming depresses me so fucking badly idk why, sometimes it doesn't but most of the time I'll feel physically depressed. I get to go out on Sundays with friends, I have therapy on Mondays in the mornings (which I'm usually [now] hungover with 5 hours of sleep) and I have group on Thursdays. Outside of that, I am stuck in the hell hole of a home. I'm stuck in this house, it's horrible, unless Kyle has time to go out, I usually only hang with friends on Sundays.
Oh and to boot get this, my therapist is retiring within a month, and just last group they dropped the bombshell it's closing for good in June. I JUST GOT INTO GROUP IN DECEMBER AFTER WAITING 6 MONTHS TO GET IN IT WTF? And also, why the hell did they give me a retiring psychologist? Now I'm going to have to work with a new psychologist, but at least I know this psychologist from group.