Thanks for your comment, focusedbody. I'm really glad you've been able to work through those feelings. You gave me a lot to think about. I realized that I do feel like it protects me. I realized that deep inside I see women as powerful and able to destroy me. I'm sure that's b/c of my mother abusing me, she was more powerful than me and destroyed me in many ways as a child. So now, when I feel threatened or triggered, I revert to feeling female. I need to think through all of this a lot more, but I did a lot of writing and thinking about it and feel that I am beginning to understand what is going on. Thanks again for sharing your experience, it really made a lot of things click.