I can def relate to this. Great post and topic. I haven't been here in a while and feel kinda strange posting now but I have some things that were told to me that may help. It helped me anyway. I heard my pastor say about forgiveness and it hit me right in the face. He said , " Forgiveness, if you aren't giving it then you aren't getting it". I had to forgive my abusers. It want a feeling on the inside. It was a choice. I made the choice to forgive and the feelings followed. It truly set me free from the anger and rage. I just read this scripture last night as part of my daily bible reading plan and it spoke right to me.
Luke 6:27-28 English Standard Version
But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, go good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who ABUSE you.
Wanna talk about tough. This is a crucial step in our recovery.
Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation.
Forgiveness doesn't always mean forgetting
Forgiveness isn't a feeling
Forgiveness is a choice
These have all been spoken to me by my pastor. Well the whole congregation but he was speaking to me directly without knowing it. He even said I am to pray for my abusers. It took time for that but I have done it. I choose to forgive because The Lord has forgiven me of my past as stated in 2 Cor 5:17, I have been made new. Also in Luke 6:38 it says " for with the measure you use it will be measured back to you".
So my choice to forgive for tough until I related it to the forgiveness of my sins. I want grace freely from my past and I was quick to not give grace to my abusers. Thanks for the opportunity to share and I hope some of this helps.
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her