Hey Jacob, I will drop a thought that helped me and hopefully will help you some. First let me say, the thoughts you have and express are all thoughts that us as survivors have or had at some point.
We must not equate family or parent love to Godly love. We look for our friends and family to make us fill fulfilled. The Lord is the only one that can give is this fulfillment. This is why most of our relationships fail. With friends or family. This is just my take anyway. Wishing you success and blessings brother. Take care
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her