Hello, everyone. I'm a recently outed survivor trying to put myself into a healthy lifestyle with my fiancée's support. When triggered, I would frequent erotic chat rooms, some webcam websites, and other social apps and envelope myself in long-lasting exposure to familiar traumas.
My fiancée and I have been attempting to address a big concern since she discovered my past abuse. She's having a hard time fully placing her trust in me. My question to you all would have to be how do I show her that I'm in a new mind-set, avoiding my triggers, and avoiding any feelings of relapse?
A few points to mention about my situation:
-I created an "alter ego" of sorts specifically for any online activity. There is plenty of evidence against me, leading her to believe that I had cheated on her. I didn't. I'm trying to help to show her that I can be trusted.
-I've found myself confusing actual events surrounding my abuse for things I may have fabricated online.
-I'm attempting to tell her the full truth, while trying to remember it myself.
-I'm in the process of signing myself up for therapy.
What I have done so far:
-I've tried to tell her as much as possible about my abuse and triggers so that she won't assume any worse.
-I have since deleted any online profiles that I once used. Many of which, I deleted in front of my fiancée.
-I leave my Internet search history, both in my phone and on my laptop, open and searchable in the event that she may want to check up on me.
-We speak often about this.
Does anyone with a similar situation have any advice for a young guy trying to show my fiancée that I can overcome my personal demons for the sake of our relationship?