Hey Riv
It takes a man to tell his story and you've done exactly that.
Your first abuse was very similar to mine and at that age you really don't know what you are doing. The older person is taking advantage of your innocence and vunerability. So it was his problem not yours.
With your second traumatic event it was still perpetrated by an older individual and seems as though it was co-erced. He took advantage of your confidence in what you felt was a safe place to get help.
You are not alone in your confusion, many of us have lived a long time - confused as hell. Some of us are just now taking stalk and trying to figure things out as many of the resources (although limited) that are available today, were not available to us in our younger years.
Take the time to heal man .. everyone here will help you on your journey!

My Story : http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4645#Post434645