I know that this is crazy but the house where my abuse happened for 7yrs went on the market. A good friend of mine called me today to tell me he had bought the the damn place. He is excited. I am terrified. I can't help him move into that place. I am so anxious that I have literally been shaking throughout the day. He doesn't know about my past but I can NEVER go back there. The damn place should be burned to the ground as far as I am concerned. I don't even drive on that side of the neighborhood so I dont have to see that fucking house.
As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I have found it difficult to learn to live with "feelings". I am still very emotionally "sick". So I am left with the question, "Now what". I can deal with the vicious cycle of being raped then loved but it is the fall out from the past that hurts me today.