Keep expressing it.
I mean this in the nicest possible way - so I hope it comes across that way:
It feels like you are beating yourself up quite a bit. Stop that. She was a grown woman who made decisions, just like me. Sometimes I get pissed and feel I wasn't shown all the cards BUT ultimately I was/am a grown up who made/makes decisions, just like her. You guys are only half the equation NOT the whole thing.
Keep expressing it though. Getting the old stuff out is the only way I know of to let the new better stuff in.