Hi Luch. I'm just getting started here myself, so your story is one of the first I've read. Thanks for posting it. My abusers were mostly female as well, so, while I'm certainly not glad that anyone was abused, I'm glad to see others here who shared in that aspect of my experience to one degree or another. When I've posted in other forums about these things in years past, I've often just been really vague and haven't even mentioned the sex of my abusers out of fear that my pain and my abuse would be invalidated by some. That way I didn't really lie, I just let people erroneously assume my abusers were male and, in doing so, nixed the very real possibility of having to listen to some idiot's retarded comments. We all know that when it comes to discussing female abusers, there is always going to be some ignorant douche-bag out there that thinks a victimized boy "got lucky".

I don't think it's very likely the abuse "made you gay". While childhood sexual trauma can definitely f-up your sexuality, I'm pretty certain that the gay or straight thing is more or less decided at birth. Coincidentally, I was on another on-line forum just the other day arguing with some morons who were adamant that gay people "choose" to be gay. LOL! That argument always makes me want to pick up my computer monitor and smash it through a wall, almost as much as the people who call male victims of female abuse "lucky".

As far as telling your parents goes, I'd say wait until you know you're 100% ready. It's going to be really hard and keep in mind it may not go the way you thought it would. I told my parents nearly 20 years ago and while I'd like to say it was the best thing I could have done, I'm not sure it was. My mom reacted with a whole lot of denial and with a very selective memory. "I don't see how that could have ever happened! I never once let you out of my site! Etc." My dad reacted with a level head and without denial but also in his normal stoic, unemotional fashion. He did at least say that my childhood experiences explained a lot when it came to some of my behavior and some of my tendencies, so at least that was validating somehow. I haven't spoken to either of them about any of that stuff in all those years since then, not that I really wanted to, as uncomfortable as it was. I do have a good relationship with both of them now, but I still can't help but feel like some of the things I told them are a kind of "elephant in the room" sometimes. Still, in the end, I guess I'm glad I told them. "I guess" being the key part of that sentence though.

I'm not telling you any of that to scare you away from telling your parents. If you think you're ready to tell them, tell them. Just be ready if it doesn't exactly go the way you had hoped. For me, it didn't, but for you it may. Not that I would necessarily go back and choose not to tell my parents if I could. Not sure what I would do if that choice were possible.

Originally Posted By: Publius
In any case, it was not until I was older that I actually read the Bible and learned Jesus of Nazareth didn't have much to say about the gays, although he did say he was bringing about a new "Covenant," which superseded the old one containing condemnations of gays, those wearing two different fabrics at the same time, being near a woman during her menstrual cycle, and people who leave their cell phone on in theaters.

No, that last one still applies. Jesus personally grabs people by the head and FLINGS them into hell for that.

Edited by BraveFalcon (03/02/13 06:34 AM)