Thank you all for your support. My T is good and I trust her - first one in 4 tries. I think what upset me the most was the fear of what she will think when everything comes out. How can I justify not telling or the fact that I would return over and over and worse yet in the beginning I remember wanting it almost like a sick need. What does that say of me - I;m just so damn confused and scared right now but I must trust those that say it can get better. Thank you all.