Tanis there are days when I ask that same question. After all, before I began recovery I experienced little to no travel anxiety, moments of panic, or SSA. Of course, I had ongoing bouts of depression, poor relationship skills, and so on and so forth. I too sat in my therapist's office and asked her with a straight face, "Is there some way I can re-repress it?" : P It's more funny to me now but at the time I sincerely felt that way and worried about the possibility of recovery. Although the fear, anxiety, and depression have subsided somewhat I still struggle but genuinely feel I have made progress. Admittedly, I want recovery today, a magic pill perhaps? I often times fantasize about undoing my past abuse and get upset that I cannot change history. Such thoughts and so many more are apparently quite normal but imagine my surprise and relief upon hearing/reading it.
I take solace mostly in my faith that recovery is possible and that I am on the right path most of the time. I take comfort in knowing I am not alone in my struggle because I can sit here, read what you wrote, and tell you that are you not alone. Being relatively young and in the middle of my recovery rather than at the end I sometimes like to paraphrase one of Jefferson's letters in my head as a letter written to myself from some symbolic, veteran survivor and so I will share it with you:
"Tried myself in the school of human affliction, by the loss of every form of connection which can rive the human heart, I know well, and feel what you have lost, what you have suffered, are suffering, and have yet to endure. The same trials have taught me that for ills so immeasurable, time, sharing, and reflection are the only medicine. I will not, therefore, in offering condolences, open afresh the sluices of your grief, nor, although mingling sincerely my tears with yours, will I say a word more where words are vain"
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh