Hi F2h --
I'm a survivor and I don't drop in to F&F too often.
What struck me is that he's had the same T for 20 years...imo, that's way too long a time. I think the evidence is in his unchanging, perhaps worse, behavior.
The other point I'd make is, what's the payoff for you? And this is more important, again imo. You keep going back to a guy who's repeatedly demonstrated he's emotionally and, for now, maritally unavailable. Do you enjoy martydom? Some people do. Put another way, yeah, you're always there for him, but he's not always there for you. What would happen if you chose a guy who was 100% available? Intimacy. And that's scary.
Instead of worrying about his T, I'd suggest you find your own - definitely not his - deal with your own issues and the rest will take care of itself.
Glad you're here.