I understand your dilemna. What I see missing is Therapy; both indiv. & together. That has been a key reason why wife & I have a better relationship. There have been bumps in the road but w/T & much communication, understanding & forgiveness we have made it work. We have the Willingnessn& Desire to Make it work. I reco you start T first; take care of self 1st. The MALE survivor has a greater & harder time dealing w/abuse - we just do. Keep talk, keep asking here, he obviously has feelings for you.
it is and has been quite a trip thru life, as last I feel that I am in a better place, it takes work and in my case a wife the was and is forgiveing and helpful. At last a relationship has gone right, messed up three.